Whenever a conflict erupts between us, it eventually ends with one of us checking out, either emotionally or physically leaving the room. This has become a fairly predictable pattern and it seems to get us nowhere. What are we doing wrong? Few things are more destructive to a new marriage than coping with conflict by withdrawing. And since this has become a repetitive way of dealing with your conflict, it is particularly important that you take note of some important research conducted by Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington. For more than twenty years, he has been studying…
It helps to have good communication skills boiled down to the basics, but knowing what we should being doing and actually doing it are two different stories. Do you have any tips on putting these skills into practice? This may sound strange, but we have discovered that talking about good communication is often easier than practicing it. Too often, we understand what to do but for a variety of reasons — we’re distracted, feeling stressed out, or simply forgetting what to do — we don’t do it. Even the experts sometimes have difficulty following their own advice. After years of…
We are the first to admit it. Both of us are expressive people and when it comes to expressing anger, we don’t hold much back. We’ve kind of come to accept that, but lately, it seems that anger is rearing it’s head a little too often. What do we do if anger is a repetitive problem? Marriage and anger go together. Of course any relationship can generate considerable anger, but a typical marriage relationship often generates more anger than any other. Why? For one reason, the sheer amount of time spent together creates more opportunity for anger to erupt. In…
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 “The traffic on Westlake is crazy,” Leslie told me. “They’re doing some construction as you near Mercer Avenue. So beware.” I was driving to meet Leslie across town, and she’d just passed through the same streets where I was starting to travel. “Thanks for the heads up.” Did this little bit of info matter? Surprisingly, yes! I didn’t get uptight wondering what was happening. Instead, I took a round about way and felt like I’d performed a magic trick. It’s amazing what…
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 Did you know that how you talk about each other to your friends and family can predict your success as a couple? A ten-year study at the University of Washington followed 95 couples beginning six months into their marriages. The initial hour-long interview together probed their relationship, their parents’ union and their philosophy of marriage. More than what was actually said, researchers noted … whether they expressed…
